Worry
I was almost, officially, my own god.
Yep. I almost went there.
Leading up to Lyric's middle school year, I was tore up. Seriously.
I want the best for my kid, and to me that meant a private Christian school.
Well, the Christian school cost - $4,292.40 cents to be exact, and I didn’t have it.
Initially, that was OK.
I knew in my spirit that this was a job for Jesus, so I let it go.
See, some things only Jesus can do. Coming up with $4,294. 40 is one of them.
So, I just chilled.
Then, it started getting closer to the start of school – and I panicked. Really panicked. Everyday I stressed out about uniforms, school supplies and where she would be enrolled. Well, I had a backup.
There’s a very good public middle school downtown. Lyric got in with no problem, but I was still going for the private school.
I made calls.
And I made more calls.
Then – I made some more calls.
And then – just a few more calls.
I bubblegum-ed together 4,292.40, but it felt very, very wrong.
My spirit couldn’t rest. I was anxious, nervous. Upset.
Then, I figured out why: I was being my own god.
I had given this situation to God and then taken it back. With a vengence.
I dived in and wore myself out trying to come up with this money, but I felt awful. My head hurt. I couldn’t sleep. I felt like crying all the time.
Why?
Because this was not of God.
My pastor in Tennessee always teaches that anything you do in your own strength has to be maintained in your strength.
If you pretend and primp and plot to get that man – you have to pretend and primp and plot to keep him.
If you lie, cheat and connive to get the job – you have to lie, cheat and connive to keep the job.
Oh, but when Jesus does it in his strength.
He keeps it. He maintains it. He cares for it. He watches over it. He sees it through to completion.
IF. He does it.
God is not obligated to fix the messes we get ourselves into.
He loves us and He cares, so sure, like any Great Father, he will help us out.
But sometimes he will allow us to reap what we sow.
I didn’t want that.
I don’t want Lyric at this school if God didn’t provide for it.
I’m not all powerful.
I’m not all knowing.
And, I’m not all-seeing.
I am not my own god.
Nor will I ever be.
I lay down right now every inclination to work my own miracles. God is more than capable of any miracle he chooses to perform. And He doesn’t get headaches, anxious or nervous about any of it. He is God.
The one, true living God.
The Great I Am.
He is the God who was, is, and will be.
He is the first and the last, the Alpha and the Omega.
He is God.
And he loves me, but he doesn’t have to have my help.
He loves me, but he doesn’t need my help.
He is God – all by himself.
And anything I get I want it to come from him and through him, not my connections, know-how and conniving.
Yes, he’s given me gifts and talents to work for my good, but we all know when we’re trying to make something happen versus resting in God.
I was trying to spit-glue this thing together – and I made it work.
But I know better than to go forward with it. So, I’m turning the private school down. It’s not for us. We’re going to the public school where Lyric can indulge her love of languages, be with people she knows and be among a racially diverse student body.
She needs that.
I need that – cause I was bout to lose it worrying about all this money.
That’s not God’s way.
He told me to be anxious for nothing and to cast my cares upon Him. I’m doing that now – and finally, I can rest.
I pray the same for each of you.
I pray you see the difference in trying to make something happen and taking it to God. I also pray you know that He is a God of the impossible. Don’t limit yourself. Don’t limit Him. Just know that in the end it’s up to each of us to seek him in prayer and know his will for our lives.
My first prayer was that God go before me and establish a place for Lyric.
He’s done that. And I receive it.
I pray that each of you receives whatever God has for you. He will do it in his time and his strength.
Know that I love you each, L.
Yep. I almost went there.
Leading up to Lyric's middle school year, I was tore up. Seriously.
I want the best for my kid, and to me that meant a private Christian school.
Well, the Christian school cost - $4,292.40 cents to be exact, and I didn’t have it.
Initially, that was OK.
I knew in my spirit that this was a job for Jesus, so I let it go.
See, some things only Jesus can do. Coming up with $4,294. 40 is one of them.
So, I just chilled.
Then, it started getting closer to the start of school – and I panicked. Really panicked. Everyday I stressed out about uniforms, school supplies and where she would be enrolled. Well, I had a backup.
There’s a very good public middle school downtown. Lyric got in with no problem, but I was still going for the private school.
I made calls.
And I made more calls.
Then – I made some more calls.
And then – just a few more calls.
I bubblegum-ed together 4,292.40, but it felt very, very wrong.
My spirit couldn’t rest. I was anxious, nervous. Upset.
Then, I figured out why: I was being my own god.
I had given this situation to God and then taken it back. With a vengence.
I dived in and wore myself out trying to come up with this money, but I felt awful. My head hurt. I couldn’t sleep. I felt like crying all the time.
Why?
Because this was not of God.
My pastor in Tennessee always teaches that anything you do in your own strength has to be maintained in your strength.
If you pretend and primp and plot to get that man – you have to pretend and primp and plot to keep him.
If you lie, cheat and connive to get the job – you have to lie, cheat and connive to keep the job.
Oh, but when Jesus does it in his strength.
He keeps it. He maintains it. He cares for it. He watches over it. He sees it through to completion.
IF. He does it.
God is not obligated to fix the messes we get ourselves into.
He loves us and He cares, so sure, like any Great Father, he will help us out.
But sometimes he will allow us to reap what we sow.
I didn’t want that.
I don’t want Lyric at this school if God didn’t provide for it.
I’m not all powerful.
I’m not all knowing.
And, I’m not all-seeing.
I am not my own god.
Nor will I ever be.
I lay down right now every inclination to work my own miracles. God is more than capable of any miracle he chooses to perform. And He doesn’t get headaches, anxious or nervous about any of it. He is God.
The one, true living God.
The Great I Am.
He is the God who was, is, and will be.
He is the first and the last, the Alpha and the Omega.
He is God.
And he loves me, but he doesn’t have to have my help.
He loves me, but he doesn’t need my help.
He is God – all by himself.
And anything I get I want it to come from him and through him, not my connections, know-how and conniving.
Yes, he’s given me gifts and talents to work for my good, but we all know when we’re trying to make something happen versus resting in God.
I was trying to spit-glue this thing together – and I made it work.
But I know better than to go forward with it. So, I’m turning the private school down. It’s not for us. We’re going to the public school where Lyric can indulge her love of languages, be with people she knows and be among a racially diverse student body.
She needs that.
I need that – cause I was bout to lose it worrying about all this money.
That’s not God’s way.
He told me to be anxious for nothing and to cast my cares upon Him. I’m doing that now – and finally, I can rest.
I pray the same for each of you.
I pray you see the difference in trying to make something happen and taking it to God. I also pray you know that He is a God of the impossible. Don’t limit yourself. Don’t limit Him. Just know that in the end it’s up to each of us to seek him in prayer and know his will for our lives.
My first prayer was that God go before me and establish a place for Lyric.
He’s done that. And I receive it.
I pray that each of you receives whatever God has for you. He will do it in his time and his strength.
Know that I love you each, L.
Comments
Belinda