Identity

All my life I’ve considered myself a writer.

Ask me who I was, I’d say a writer.

Ask me what I do, I’d say I write.

It’s just always, always, always – and, in all ways – been a part of who I am. In fact, I thought it was WHO I was.

Seriously, I remember being nine and asking my parents for new paper and pencils. They said no, and I got indignant. I snarled my face up, folded my arms across my chest and pronounced majestically “WELL! I’ll not write.”

And they just laughed and laughed.

And I remember thinking they were crazy. Like, really nuts. Like, didn’t they know how important it was that I write?

Well, long story short, I became a journalist, a writer. I won a few awards – was actually nominated for a Pulitzer – and I loved it.

Then it all went away.

I’ll save the who-when-what-where-and-why of that all for later – plus, many of you know that story anyway – but what I wanted to share is this: when I walked away from writing, I lost my identity.

I lost me.

So, when it was all gone, it was like I was all gone.

Like I was no more – and there was no more me.

It was painful. And it took a while to realize that I had had it all wrong. Writing wasn’t who I was: it was what I did.

My identity was/is in Christ Jesus.

 I am a Christian. I believe there is NO other name under heaven by which men can call upon to be saved EXCEPT the name of Jesus. (Acts 4:12) I believe that at the name of Jesus EVERY knee will bow and every tongue will confess that HE is Lord. (Philippians 2:10) I also believe that the bible is God’s divinely inspired, holy word. It is useful for teaching, reproof, correction, instruction and righteousness. (2 Timothy 3:16)

And as a Christian, I have a divine calling and gifting. Writing is part of my gifting. Communicating is part of my gifting. Hearing. Telling. Sharing people’s stories is part of my gifting, and I love it – but it’s not who I am.

I’m a Christian.

When I received Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, an exchange took place. He took my sin and depraved nature, and I received his Divine and Holy Nature. I became new. The word of God says, that if any man be in Christ Jesus, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away and ALL things have become new. (2 Cor. 5:17)

And what are the old things? What are the things that must die and pass from us?  They are the things of the self.

Selfish desire.

Selfish ambition.

Self-will.

Christianity involves some – if not total – renunciation of self. It’s a slaying of the old nature.

   

I missed this for a long time. I knew it mentally, but I missed it spiritually. I thought Christianity meant I was supposed to stop cursing, stop fornicating, and stop gossiping. And it does entail that – but it is SO much more. Those are external things. They are oftentimes rooted in performance – and not real heart transformation.

True Christianity is an internal revolution, a literal war – an attack – on everything we once were. It’s literally dying to self.

In the church, we often speak of giving our life to Christ. We say it metaphorically, but there’s a depth to it not many of us really engage or understand. The bible says we are to lay down our lives or deny ourselves, take up our cross DAILY and follow Jesus.

Many of us, however, do the opposite.

We lay down Christianity daily. Take up our jobs – our selfish ambitions, our selfish desires, our self will – and follow the world.

We’re doctors.

We’re lawyers.

We’re teachers.

We’re writers.

But we’re not Christians.

We’re not fully following Christ because our focus and our gaze is not on Him. It’s on us. Our new age version of Christianity simply means going to church, possibly paying our tithes and refraining from whichever sin we believe we can personally give up or conquer independent of God and the Holy Spirit.

There is a deeper work, however.  

Instead of our new age thinking, I challenge us to think of Christianity in old world terms of lordship and vassalage. In feudal societies, people lived in relationship. They formed covenants in which a more powerful person – the lord or monarch – provided protection, work and land to his subjects. Vassals, in return, pledged their allegiance, loyalty and service to the monarch. Both parties were obligated by contract to perform certain duties – just as we are obligated to God and Christ our Savior.

This week, let’s ask God for guidance. Let’s ask Him to reveal our true identity in Him – and how He would have us to fulfill our obligations to his Lordship.

Know that I love you each, L.