Attack Mode

Last week's Monday Morning Inspiration started out as an attack.

I read the column I talked about - and was hot.

I was anxious to point out the folly of the writer's perspective  and how he might be leading some people astray.

But I wasn't going about it the right way.

I started out accussing.

I started out pointing fingers.

And I started out with a sarcastic tone.

None of it was holy.

None of it was right.

What I was doing was the equivalent of a printed eye-roll or character-assasination by column. And I felt convicted as I wrote it. So, I stopped. Went back. Tried to rework it. And give it a differnt tone.

I hope the loudest message conveyed was, "Get. In. Your. Word - Listen. To. God. For. Your. Self."

It doesn't matter what I think, what I say, or what I believe. God has a specific message and plan for YOUR life. If you are a Christian - meaning one who follows Christ, and believes there is NO other Name by which man can be called on to be save but the name of Jesus (Acts 4:12) - then God has a specific plan, a specific message, a love note with with your very name on it, in His word. But you have read it and meditate on it to hear it. That's just how it works....

But back to me screwing up last week's column - almost.

As I thought about my inital approach to last week's column, I realized that "attack-mode" had once been a very real - if not, defining - aspect of my ministry. It was a very real -though wrong - approach to sharing my faith.

Fornicating. Stop! Or you're going to hell.

Living together? Stop! Or you're going to hell.

Gay? Stop! Or you're going to hell.

Adultery! Stop! Or you're going to hell.

I was so bad, in fact, someone once accused me of be Holy Spirit Jr.!

It's hard to admit, but I was really that bad. That self-righteous. That ... uh, broken, perhaps?

All my life, I thought God was dangling me over the very pits of hell. I was walking this outrageously thin tightrope over hellfire, and I had to get everything right, be perfect - or I would fall. And I was going to hell.

I don't believe that anymore.

It took a lot of years to realize God just loves me - not my ability to be perfect, because I can't be. God just wants me, not my desire to do great things for Him. God just loves and wants me.

He wants me to study his word.

To get to know Him.

To hear His voice.

To be loved by Him.

Nourished by Him.

Fulfilled by Him.

In Joy. In Him. And Him alone.

In my quiet time He speaks ever so tenderly to my heart, creating compassion and love and understanding of both myself and others. The words says, out of the mouth, the heart speaks - and I spoke harshly, unlovingly to others - because I was cruel and harsh to myself because I thought God was cruel and harsh with me.

Nope.

Though God corrects and punishes, it's done in love. It's all meant to bring us to repentance that we may know Him, love Him and return to Him.

In God, there is no shadow of changing. He's not Ying and Yang. He and satan are not two sides of the same coin. He is God - always loving, always kind, wholly sovereign, all powerful and all just.

Get that in your spirit. God is good ALL the time - and ALL the time, God is Good!

But until I took hold of this truth - until I learned  that God just loved, wanted and accepted me - I was lost and hurting, and hurting other people. And for that, God chastised me.

I went through a period of God whipping my tail, and correcting me on how I dealt with others and what I truly believed  about Him. There have been a lot of failures, setbacks and disappointments in the last few years - and that's largely why I stopped writing the Monday Morning Inspirations. God was rocking my self-righteous spiritual foundation, and repouring a foundation of love and acceptance. From that, I'm learning to love and accept others and their choices.

I still speak the truth, but I try to be led now by the Holy Spirit.

I still speak the truth, but I try to do so only when asked about my personal belief or opinion.

Because, some people aren't ready for the gospel. They just need a listening ear.

Some people can't hear the gospel through their pain. They just want you to hold their hand.

And some people won't receive the gospel right away. They just need you to love them and walk along side them, as He reveals Himself and His truth to them, slowly and lovingly.

In the meantime, I'm called to love. But that doesn't mean I agree with or accept everything the world now says is OK or acceptable. I stand on the word of God as I understand it until He leads or revelas himself to me otherwise - just as He corrected me on my so-called approach to sharing the gospel.

Now, because of Him, I try not to attack people - though I still have quite a rough edges. And I definitely don't tell them they're going to hell anymore: I just think it.

JUST. KIDDING!!!

Know that I love you each, L.